Category Archives: Irish Humor

Driving Home

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. […]

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick’s Day. Mick, the bartender says, “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy.”. Paddy replies, “OK Mick, […]

The Italian Lawyer

An Italian lawyer and an Irishman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that Irishmen are so dumb that he could put something over on them easily…So the […]

Murphy goes to confession

Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry […]

Old man Murphy

Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked, “If you had to get one or the other would you rather get Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s? ”Sure, I rather have Parkinson’s”, replied […]

Can I blame it on Guinness?

Dublin’s Patrick O’Shea called his lawyer and asked, “Is it true they are suin’ dem der cigarette companies for causin’ people to git cancer?” “Yes, Patrick, sure is true,” responded the lawyer. “And now someone […]

The Leprechaun

An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he’s drinking one drink and the […]

An Irishman goes into a pub

An Irishman goes into a pub and orders three whiskeys. After he has put them on the bar, the barman says to him “That’s not like you, Paddy, you’re normally a Guinness man!” Paddy replies, […]

The Doctor

An Irishman goes to the doctor, who after examining him says “You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay. “So the doctor gives the […]

Mrs. Murphy

A sobbing Mrs. Murphy approaches Father O’Grady after Mass. He says: “So what’s bothering you?” She replies: “Oh, Father, I’ve terrible news. My husband passed away last night.” The priest says: “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. […]

An American walks into an Irish pub

An American walks into an Irish pub and says, “I’ll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness’s in 10 minutes.” Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations. […]

So this Irishman walks up my driveway

Says, “I’m here to apply for the handyman job” I says can you do plumbing? ‘NO’, he says. I says, can you do electrical? ‘NO’, he says. I says, can you drywall? ‘NO’, he says. […]

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