Amateur comedian and webmaster by night but during the daytime I do tech support.
Yes that is right, technical support and that can pose its own set of unique challenges especially when there is a language and/or cultural barrier.
Here are some classic examples of what us poor bastards have to deal with sometimes:
Get the right computer – 1
Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, You’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah….
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
Get the right computer – 2
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…
Change of Mind
Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don’t want my wife to think that it’s me.’
Advisor: ‘I will remove them for you.’
Customer: ‘How do I get them back when she is not in?’
Step 1…
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it into the computer yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….
Amusing Password Logic
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyParis”
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Seeing Stars
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Touch and Go
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Circular argument
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
Local difficulty
Customer: My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can’t get in.
Advisor: Has he forgotten it?
Customer: No he just won’t tell me it because I’ve grounded him.
Language difficulty
Customer: ‘How do you spell ‘Internet America’ ? Is there a space between ‘inter’ and ‘net’ ?’
Tech Support: ‘No space between ‘inter’ and ‘net’ . It’s spelled normally.’
Customer: ‘Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?’ Tech Support: ‘That’s A-M-E-R-I-C-A.’ Customer: ‘I-C-K???’
Tech Support: ‘A as in apple’ Customer: ‘There’s no ‘K’ in apple!’
No comment
Customer: I met a man on the internet, can you give me his phone number?