I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde. – Dolly Parton
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. – Erica Jong
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job. – Roseanne
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. – Rita Rudner
This guy says, “I’m perfect for you, ’cause I’m a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.” I said, “Oh, a gay trucker?” – Judy Tenuta
He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant. – Carol Leifer
More Words from Women
I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. – Wendy Liebman
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. – Erma Bombeck
If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. – Sue Grafton
I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on. – Roseanne
I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can’t. So I grew hair under my arms instead. – Sue Kolinsky
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. – Elayne Boosler