Author Archive: The Portly Irishman
A blonde and brunette were watching the ..
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I bet you […]
Continue reading50 Fun Things to Do in a Mall
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration […]
Continue reading50 Fun Things to Do at Wal-Mart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to […]
Continue readingSo this Irishman walks up my driveway
Says, “I’m here to apply for the handyman job” I says can you do plumbing? ‘NO’, he says. I says, can you do electrical? ‘NO’, he says. I says, can you drywall? ‘NO’, he says. […]
Continue readingThe Irish
Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. “Ah, will you look at that?” one ditch […]
Continue readingViagra
A woman asks her husband, ‘Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?’ He declines. ‘Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this […]
Continue readingMan goes to dentist with a horrible toothache
The dentist says “yep, that’s the worst cavity I’ve seen in some time. That tooth definitely has to come out. But don’t worry, a little gas and you won’t feel a thing. Can’t do that […]
Continue readingChocolate
A Norwegian and a German entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, the German stole 3 chocolate bars. As they left the store, the German said to the Norwegian, “Man I’m the best […]
Continue readingWon a bass boat
A good old Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, “What you gonna do with that. There ain’t no water […]
Continue readingThings you wish you could say at work
I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce. How about never? Is never good for you? I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter. I’m not being rude, […]
Continue readingTHE SMARTER SEX
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their […]
Continue readingA man walked into a bar ..
A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, “Nice tie.” Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty, except […]
Continue reading