Author Archive: The Portly Irishman
There are ways to get things done
A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned […]
Continue readingA sexually active woman
A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a […]
Continue readingTwo men from
Two men from New York were discussing politics and things… one say’s to the other,”Well now that we’re getting friendly with China, what’d’ya think? Do you like Buddha?” The second man says, ” What?” “Do […]
Continue readingPickled Eggs and Beer – the danger that lies within
As I hearken back to my youth growing up in New Hampshire, I recall this one particular rather cold February morning of sub-zero temperatures and sharing a room with my older brother. Now said older […]
Continue readingMedical Exam
This guy wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor started a thorough examination, but finally found nothing wrong with the man. When the examination was […]
Continue readingMy morning commute
My morning commute was hectic today.. I skipped over a cat toy and almost spilled my coffee. I made it to the couch safely though. I love my days off…
Continue readingDoctor
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the house. […]
Continue readingConfession
A guy goes into the confessional booth after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry […]
Continue readingThe makers of ‘I Can’t Believe it’s not Butter’
Also offer some smaller-market margarine brands: * Shut The Front Door! * He Won’t Know the Difference * Tasty Valley * Palmer’s Choice * Ya Gotta Be Shittin’ Me * Hell, no! * I Dare […]
Continue readingAffair
Breakfast was a very late affair that day …… and the husband and wife were fragile indeed, badly hung over from a particularly wild party the night before. Bleary-eyed, with two trembling hands holding his […]
Continue readingFly Hunting
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around holding a flyswatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I’m hunting house flies.” he responded. “Oh, have you killed any?” she asked. “Yep, […]
Continue readingPaddy and Colleen on a date
Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy’s mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out ”Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!” Paddy, not wanting to pass […]
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