Author Archive: The Portly Irishman
Non-Deep Thoughts
– I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it. – I had amnesia once — or twice. – I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. […]
Continue readingFairy Story
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, “For being such […]
Continue readingCow Childbirth
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, “Great…he’s 4 and I’m gonna have […]
Continue readingThe Man Who Orders Three Beers
An Irishman by the name of Paul McLean moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three […]
Continue readingThe upcoming election
I never had any love for “Slick Willie” and as bad as he was, his old lady is even worse than that.
Continue readingTheater Dog
A man went to the cinema. As he sat down to watch the film and his eyes got accustomed to the dark, he noticed a dog sitting on the seat beside him. He was somewhat […]
Continue readingMore Questions of Logic
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Continue readingCar Accident
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their […]
Continue readingCrazy Names
What Would Freud Say About These Places? – Climax, Michigan – Spread Eagle, Wisconsin – Needmore, Arkansas – Hardup, Utah – Intercourse, Pennsylvania – Hornytown, North Carolina – Conception Junction, Missouri
Continue readingA couple of rib ticklers
Bats in the Belfry Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, “Since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried […]
Continue readingThe Lawyer and the Car Accident
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the […]
Continue readingHow about a couple of blonde jokes
Blonde Logic Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking and one says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?” The other blonde turns and […]
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